


Incomplete

by gurajiorasu



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: M/M, OT5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-18
Updated: 2014-11-18
Packaged: 2018-02-26 03:51:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2636969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gurajiorasu/pseuds/gurajiorasu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ohno Satoshi resigned a week before their tenth anniversary. Ohno Satoshi had left. That was what’s going on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Incomplete

“You understand that doing this means that you will be prohibited from meeting your friends ever again, right?” the old man asked the final question.

Ohno glanced at Sho, Jun, and Aiba. At the final stop, his gaze lingered at Nino and he looked down. He inhaled and exhaled, fist clenching and relaxing several times. When he finally opened his mouth to answer, Nino swore his body suddenly sunk to the ground.

“Yes.”

That sealed everything and Sho stormed outside right before Nino’s mind was shut down by itself, sending him to a limbo.

*******

It felt like it was unreal. Nino was in a daze.  When he looked down to himself, he was already dressed in an angelic white costume. His body was hoisted on a wire, mic was already secured on his hand. He looked around, everyone was on a frantic mode.

Jun was looking down - mulling or mourning, Nino couldn’t decide the better guess. Aiba was certainly putting his I-have-to-be-professional-I-can-do-this-I-have-to-do-this battle face. And then there’s Sho. The oldest man was emitting a murderous aura. But at least he was focused, unlike the others.  
Unlike Nino who was still trying to grasp what was going on.

“It’s time,” Sho commanded. The background music was descending right then, giving way to Kansha Kangeki Ame Arashi’s intro. His face was harder than ever, “Nino, you know what to do.”

“I- what?” Nino couldn’t hide his confusion because he _was_ indeed confused. Something was not right judging by the awful feeling that was creeping up his spines and spreading slowly in his chest, but he couldn’t pinpoint what. Heck, he couldn’t even pinpoint how he got there in the first place.

Still unsure with the whole situation, Nino felt the chilly air ambushed his skin. His body was lifted up in the air for everyone to see and he couldn’t help but freaked out for a split second. A sea of fans greeted him and he just stared at them in panic for a while, remembering what to do in times like this.  
It was their concert, he remembered. Their tenth anniversary concert, to be exact.

They glided on the evening sky, an hour away from the sunset. The breeze was piercing that little patch of skin that was not covered by the heavy costume. Nino’s brain was quick enough to immediately send a string of command to his body which enabled him to properly do his job such as waving and singing.

A few seconds bathed in the screams of loyal fans and Nino could feel that something was really off. He tried to find out what, but it was like his defense mechanism prevented him from doing so. It was like he _knew_ what was wrong, but his mind _didn’t want_ to register it.

“Kokuritsuuuuuuuuuuu!” Sho started with a full force yell. His smile was already set, bright and determined. He did some grand gestures with his hands, didn’t seem like he was minding the fact that he was nowhere near the ground. It was almost like he was trying to gain all the spotlights in the world.

Nino looked up because it was all weird; the way Sho did it and the mere fact that Sho was the one who did it.  
It should be Jun’s task to start the concert and to fire up the fans, but Sho did it instead. When Nino’s eyes found Jun, the younger was nowhere near high spirited. His smile was forced and his eyes were dim. Jun looked as broken as a stepped-on glass and it only added the heavy feeling in Nino’s gut.

Nino turned to Aiba in hope to find an answer - a relieving answer - but another confusing scenery welcomed him. Aiba was putting a face that Nino knew was only used when the older was holding back his tears. The overly concentrated expression that Nino had learned to hate was there, indicating that Aiba was putting his focus on one thing in order to suppress his true feelings.

Not until the song hit the chorus did it come to Nino. They sang like they usually did, but the song didn’t sound like it usually did. The song lost a layer of it; a screeching layer that sounded a little bit different than the others. A layer that sounded more like ‘smiling’ than ‘smile again’.

_No._

Nino’s eyes wildly scanned to his right and his left, then to his back as if it was possible that someone was left behind them. An awful feeling welled up to Nino’s throat.

_No. No, it can’t be real._

He looked up to the giant screens, desperately wishing that it caught something that his eyes couldn’t. The screen fluttered, showing each and every member of Arashi doing their job. There was Sho, there was Aiba, there was Jun, there was Nino, and that’s it.  
Nino almost screamed when the screen showed anything but what he wanted the most.

_No. Just. No._

By the time he got his feet back to the solid ground, it became clear that it was just the four of them.  
Nino did the headcount a million times just to make sure. His count always stopped at four because he ran out of head to count on after that. Because Ohno Satoshi wasn’t there to be the fifth.

Nino refused to accept that fact easily. He opted to focus on singing and dancing instead, occupying his brain with something other than _that_. He tried to fool himself, ignoring everything he had seen and telling himself that everything was okay.

_He’s going out in a minute. Yes. He will come out with that sleepy grin of his._

The false pretense was crushed effortlessly when he threw a peace sign to the crowd, an uchiwa with the picture of _four_ men waved back at him.

The vague scene surged back to the back of his head in little pieces. The heaving sigh that Johnny Kitagawa gave, the last slight bow that Ohno spared, the hazy reality that they had to walk on right after that.  
Nino felt like throwing up because of the horrifying things that were rudely stuffed back to his head.

And if at the start of the concert he was wondering what’s going on, now he wished he never remembered.

Ohno Satoshi resigned a week before their tenth anniversary. Ohno Satoshi had left. That was what’s going on.

Nino kept singing despite his blurry eyes and cracked heart. He waved. He smiled. His body tried to recall every single movement that he had done so frequently and every single syllable of the song that he had sung a million times. He was on an autopilot.  
He was a marionette. A cassette tape. Not a human because his brain was nowhere near functioning anymore.

He survived the first song, then he survived the second. It’s a huge accomplishment since he had become extremely aware of Ohno’s absence and it killed him.  
In every hook, in every line, in every chorus that was supposed to be sung by Ohno, Nino lost himself all over again. It was like he was floating in the air and he lost his balance every now and then.

As the song went on and on, Nino’s eyes couldn’t stop glancing to every direction, searching for a figure that he couldn’t believe wasn’t there. His ears kept trying to find the usual lead voice which he could easily follow, creating the perfect harmony that was Arashi.

But he couldn’t find the figure. He couldn’t find the voice. There’s Aiba’s slender figure and distinct voice, there’s Sho’s bulky silhouette and husky voice, there’s Jun’s perfect presence and throaty voice, but no Ohno Satoshi.  
The one who was always there to answer his cue of fan service. The one whose voice alone could make thousands of fans flew to the seventh heaven - make _Nino_ flew to seventh heaven. That Ohno Satoshi wasn’t there.

He’s probably in India or Indonesia or maybe Antarctica, but he’s certainly not there in Kokuritsu.  
A thousand questions that were buried along with the poisonous fact popped up in Nino’s head once again.

_Why, Oh chan? Why?!_

Nino felt his strength was drained. He couldn’t bring himself to release the railing as his platform was raised up high, feeling nauseated at all those _wrong_ uchiwas.  
It took approximately three minutes before Nino realized that it was his turn to shout his usual concert yells. He stretched his face into a smile but his eyes couldn’t hide it. His ‘Irasshaimase’ wavered. A lot. Like there were a hundred thorns down in his throat.

It was just different knowing that there would be no weird ‘Aaaaaay~’ shouts by his dearest following after that. It felt empty. It felt wrong. It felt painfully lonely.  
And Nino was upset because he couldn’t fathom the exact reason that caused all those excruciating feelings.

The more he put his effort on letting his voice out, the wetter his eyes get. He didn’t want to cry, of course. He was there for work, he was there for the fans, it was his ethic to not meddle personal’s business with work. But it was too painful, the hollow feeling in his chest was too real.  
He tried to keep his consciousness about all these as low as possible. He preferred to keep himself in a hazy state of mind - confusing what was right and what was wrong, what was real and what was not - than accepting the fact there were only four of them there. Not five.

He was already crouching down when they came back to the main stage, pale and in the verge of throwing up. If it was not time for them to retreat and give way for Aiba to do his solo performance, he might faint on the stage for the lump in his throat was getting bigger and bigger and the pain of being left getting more and more real.

“Are you okay, Ninomiya san?” a staff asked.

“Yeah,” an automatic answer was given. Certainly he was not okay. But he didn’t say a thing because he didn’t feel like it’s the right thing to do. He just stood there, unbuttoning his costume while looking at the concert’s set list.

There was Ohno Satoshi’s name there. But it was scratched. Deleted. Marked as canceled.

If the tears that streamed down violently by then - when he was away from the fans’ eyes - was any indication, then he’s a million years away from okay.  
His entire being was shattered into grains of sands.

“Get a grip of yourself, Nino. You should have been singing _his_ part, why didn’t you, hah?!” Sho was more than just irritated. He was raging mad.

Nino looked up - eyes wet and finally gave up trying to make his brain numb over the fact that Ohno wasn’t there.

Of course. Of course he had to be the one in charge for Ohno’s part since he left.  
Of. Course.  
Screw similar range of voice and any other bullshit, the Gods just wanted to see him suffer until he couldn’t even breathe, he believed that by then.

Suddenly he felt betrayed. Suddenly all the feelings raced to get out at the same time. Suddenly he felt like exploding.

“Get a grip?! Get a grip, Sho?! How could I?! How. Could. I. I ask you! Oh chan is not here, I don’t know where he is, and you ask me to just _sing_ his part?! How the hell am I supposed to do that?!” Nino snapped. Waterfalls streamed from his two bloodshot eyes.

“He’s not here because he left us! Because he left _you_ , goddammit!” Sho snapped back and Nino could see hurt in those rounded eyes. Hurt more than anger. Hurt more than fury. Hurt more than anything. It was pure hurt, no matter how hard the invisible mask that Sho tried to put on. Maybe Nino wasn’t the only one who felt betrayed.  
“Stop crying over the one who ran away. Listen, Nino, fans are out there. They’ve _paid_ to see us singing and dancing. Not crying and mourning over a jerk who chose whatever over us!” Sho’s finger pointed outside, where the fans were watching Aiba and his troops of marching band performing PIKA ☆NCHI.

“They’ve paid to see the _five_ of us!” Nino screamed. Tears dropped from his chin freely and he wiped his face carelessly. Annoyed by the way Sho emitting Ohno from the term _us_.

“Then, what?! You want to leave them with _none_ of us because one selfish bastard decided to _never_ see us ever again?!” Sho’s face was just an inch away from Nino, red and clouded.

Just before Nino could reply, there’s a commotion outside. Fans were shouting ‘daijoubu’ and whatnot.

Sho peeked outside and tsk-ed. Aiba was dancing and singing and smiling, but tears were trickling down his cheeks.

“Fuck,” Sho cursed. He then turned to face Nino, “You see that?! That kind of stunt will only make the old man _sell_ it to the crowd. He will drown us in the shadow of that selfish bastard and squeeze the tears out of our eyes for the sake of sales and money. So, please, move on. Stand there, sing, and smile. Wipe those fucking useless tears and change your costume!”  
Sho dashed back to his space to prepare himself. He glanced at Jun and barked again, “You too, Matsujun. Don’t think I can’t see that you’re crying too. Geez, forget that man already!” then, he added in a low and pained voice, “He probably already forgot us, anyway.”

It sliced Nino. The probability that Ohno had forgotten them - that Ohno had forgotten _him_ \- sliced him like no other. He fell to a nearby chair, letting some staffs do things to his wardrobe and his body.

His entire love-life flashed before his eyes; from the first time he met a senpai that intrigued him, to the first time they enjoyed each other company, to the day they’re announced to be together in a group called Arashi, to the unnecessary skinships that they shared intentionally, to the warm hands of Ohno that enveloped his gently, to the very moment that they admitted that they’re in love with each other, to the kisses and embraces, to the fights and reconciliations, and to that one lingering glance that left Nino nothing but questions and sadness.

_Was it all even true?_

It didn’t feel like it was anymore to Nino. Because if it was, how could Ohno just leave him like that? How could he say yes to never meet Nino again? How could he give up? How could he?

“It’s the rain. The rain,” Aiba pathetically repeated the lame excuse and everyone winced to it. The tall man had given up to keep up with the rhythm after some mistakes. He decided that he would just ruin the performance if he didn’t stop so he did. He looked down and desperately tried to wipe some liquid from his cheeks.

It was cloudy, yes, but not a single drop of rain had fallen to the earth so of course rain was not the reason why Aiba’s face was soaked. His shaky voice gave him away too.

It was just more pathetic to see that he still tried to fit that fake smile to his face and after few deep breaths, he resumed the song like nothing happened.  
Nino wanted to just run there and hug his best friend but he didn’t. He couldn’t.

The man of _his life_ walked out of _his life_ and now Arashi was the only one he had as _his life_.  
It might be better to just commit suicide than ruin Arashi.

“Ten seconds,” a staff announced with an unsure face.

Nino and Jun nodded and paced up their movements. Once their costumes were changed, they lined up in position.

Jun’s costume was slightly slanted. But the wearer couldn’t care less.  
Jun was busy regulating his breaths in an attempt to hold back his emotions, he really couldn’t care less about anything else.

The spotlight blinded them again. Aiba hurriedly retreated to backstage but not without throwing meaningful sad glances to Nino’s direction.

Jun caught Aiba’s hand for a second, squeezing it before letting it go.

A certain melody was heard and it’s Nino’s turn to utter his line.  
However, he choked when he remembered what his line was.

_“Jaa, ittekuru”_  
 _“Well, I’m going now”_

_He didn’t even say that._

_“Ah, sayonara janai yo ne”_  
 _“Ah, this isn’t farewell, y’know”_

_Is it? Is it not a farewell? Is it?_

_“Mata-,”_ Nino’s voice dilated into a mere screech, _“-aeru kara.”_  
 _“Because we’ll meet again.”_

_Will we? Will we meet again, Oh chan? You agreed to never-_

Nino shut his brain down again. His body was shaking and Sho was right; fans had paid to see them do their work.

But the song screamed their separation too loud, what’s with Ohno’s line saying that he’s leaving and a lover being left without any choice.  
 _Nino_ being left without any choice.

_“Hanarete itemo kitto itsumademo kimi no koto wo omotte iru yo to”_  
 _“Even if we’re apart, I’ll always be thinking of you, I said”_

_Thinking of me? Were you thinking of me when you give the resignation letter?_

_“Itta kokoro ga ima sara uzuite tamaranai yo”_  
 _“My heart aches so much now, I can’t take it”_

_It’s my heart that is aching now. It’s me who can’t take it now. How could you, Oh chan? How could you?_

Nino waved his mic to the crowd, pretending to invite the fans to sing along while the truth was that he couldn’t gulp down the lump in his throat.  
The fact that most of the song was dominated by Ohno’s part gave Nino the hardest time in his entire singing career.

Aiba was back and he approached Nino immediately, holding Nino’s hand in his as if saying, “We can do this.”

Nino turned his head to Aiba and smiled. With all of his might, he started to sing again.

_“Hanaretara mou dame ni naru yo to”_  
 _“If we're apart, it might be hopeless for us”_

Nino winced. He refused to think further because it was true. It might be hopeless when they’re separated. It was _already_ hopeless even.

Aiba squeezed his hand tight and Nino knew the line affected both of them equally.

They gathered up the strength and lifted up their mic again in time to sing a certain simple line.

_“Ikanai de-”_  
 _“Don’t go-”_

And Nino stopped singing for good.

_Don’t go. Did I say it to you? I didn’t, did I? I didn’t have the chance to say it, Oh chan. This is just unfair. Unfair. Listen to me, Oh chan, don’t go._

The song fortunately ended fast enough or Nino might scream “Ikanai de” on the top of his lungs. Next intro was played and it was a Day in Our Life.

Nino scooted to the same cart as Aiba and Sho but Sho pushed him away subtly.

“You take _that man_ ’s part, remember?” Sho hissed.

Aiba threw an apologetic look to Nino and released the younger’s hand.

Nino turned back and he found Jun was already waiting for him.  
Gloomy. Restless.

Sho started his rap and Jun squeezed Nino’s hand like it was his lifeline. It’s not everyday that they continuously squeezing each other’s hand like this, but that day, it was desperately needed.

_“Toki wa meguri hi wo mekuri kimi wa tokku ni dokoka tooku ni”_  
 _“Time turns the pages on the days that go by, you've already gone somewhere faraway”_

“Faraway,” Jun whispered. His voice trembled, “Why does he have to do this to us?”

_“A~_ _Omoi todokanai kimi wa mou konai-”_  
 _“Ah~_ _You, who my feelings didn't reach, won't come back anymore-”_

“He won’t come back again, will he?” Jun gripped tighter to Nino’s arm. He was more like a lost child than the stoic Jun everybody knew.

“He-,” Nino stopped.

_If I say you will, would it be a lie, Oh chan?_

Nino swallowed his words down. He squeezed Jun’s hand back instead.  
People might see it as a fan service, what’s with two men being so close and holding hands, but it’s not. They’re just seeking strength from each other. They’re just sharing the sadness.

_“I love you, Ima demo kimi wo”_  
 _“I love you, even now”_

They started singing by screaming their feelings to the air.

_I love you, Oh chan. These guys love you. Even now, when you already left us. We love you._

_“Endless love, Itsuka kimi wa boku no moto e”_  
 _“Endless love, someday you’ll come back to me”_

Both of them were not singing anymore. They were praying.

_“A~ setsunai omoi wa sugiteku”_  
 _“Ah~_ _The painful memories are passing”_

Jun laced their fingers together and Nino could feel how cold Jun’s body was.

_“A~_ _ima nara subete ieru yo”_  
 _“Ah~_ _If it's now, I'll tell you everything”_

They spluttered. Through their touches, they shared _all_ the things that they wanted to tell without even speaking it out loud.  
Basically, every molecule on their bodies was screaming _why_ and _come back_.

_“Kimi no namida egao minna zenbu  Te to te tsunagu kimi wo soba ni”_  
 _“Your tears, smiles, everything Standing next to you, holding hands”_

It was just how the scenery went. Tears threatening to come out, smiles forced to be exist, hand in hand like they would crumple to the ground if they let go.

_“Itsumo kanjite itain da”_  
 _“I want to always be there to feel it”_

Jun’s grip tightened and Nino knew that Jun had crossed his limit. He reached and hugged Jun.  
Fan service. If anyone asked, it’s just another kind of fan service.

Nino had to let Jun go when it’s time for Jun’s solo.  
“You okay?”

Jun’s eyes glistened with tears. He smiled and shrugged, “Maybe.”

Nino smiled back and followed the others to the backstage. He had a slight feeling that Jun had given up on everything, looking from the weak yet serene gaze that the younger gave to him. But then, who hadn’t? So Nino didn’t say a thing and worked on his costume instead.

The intro of WISH filled the heavy air only for five seconds. Right when Sho, Nino, and Aiba were already well away from the stage, it stopped and silence ensued. Sho got alerted and turned his head to see what was going on.

There, in the middle of the grand stage, Matsumoto Jun held his mic tight and started to sing. Without any music.

_“Subete wa Hawaii de hajimari Arashi, Arashi, for dream”_  
 _“Everything began in Hawaii A.RA.SHI, A.RA.SHI, for dream”_

The three of them froze. Hearts skipped a beat for the nostalgic and fond feelings towards the song. They shivered, remembering the lines of the song before it was sung. Their brains raced to every word that Jun had arranged five years ago. The words that were addressed to them. All _five_ of them.

“Shit,” Sho cursed under his breath and he dashed towards the stage. Luckily, Aiba was fast enough to prevent him.

“Stop, Sho,” Aiba desperately blocked the way with his body. “Stop. Please,” he pleaded and tears were there again.

“This is not the song he is supposed to sing!” Sho sent his protest, but Nino caught how his eyes were glassy too by then, “We must stop this.”

“Can’t we stop _this_ instead?! Pretending that we’re okay when we’re not?!” Aiba snapped. He wiped his tears with the back of his hand before continuing, “I’m sad. Nino is sad. Jun is sad. And I _know_ you are sad too. So why are we- why-”

Sho gripped Aiba’s shoulder hard and looked straight to his eyes, “You want to know why? Fine, I’ll let you know why! Because _that man_ is a complete jerk. Because _that man_ gave up. After all that we had overcome together. After all the hurdles. After all the storms. We discussed our future back then in 2002 and now what? HE ABANDONED THAT FUTURE THAT WE BUILT TOGETHER.”

_“Go nen ga tatte hitori janainda to Hibi kanji nagara aruiteru Tomo ni kurushimi tomo ni warai Mainichi tanoshimi nagara”_  
 _“After five years, I walk through the days feeling like I'm not alone Sharing the pain, sharing the laughter while enjoying every day”_

The line of the song felt like an invisible knife that sliced their feelings. Sharing the pain, sharing the laughter; now it’s all felt like a complete bullshit.

“I’ve stayed, dammit,” Sho released Aiba and turned away. Finally his shield was broken down, revealing his true feelings; hurt, betrayed, disappointed. His tears were falling one by one, “I’ve stayed and now he left.”

Nino understood how Sho could be that mad. He was a half of Yama pair, anyway, the adults that anchored them down when they were floating here and there, didn’t know what the future would give them. The one that shared an absurd yet absolutely strong bond with their Leader, proved by the silly Oretachi No Song that was practically their way to say how grateful they were to have each other.  
For Satoshi kun to have Sho kun. For Sho kun to have Satoshi kun.

Now that Satoshi kun left Sho kun alone, of course Sho kun was mad. And sad. Mostly sad.

Because out of everyone, Ohno was the least that Sho expected to leave him. They had been through so much. _So, so, so_ much that Sho couldn’t help but believed that they would face anything together. Knowing that it was just him who believed in that crushed him.

_“Go nen go wa dounatteru? Mainichi wo tanoshinderu?”_  
 _“What will it be like in five years? Will every day be fun?”_

Jun’s voice broke into an audible cry and so did Sho’s. Jun didn’t have a clue that this question would have such bitter answer when he wrote it. They’re no longer a five men group after that five years. They’re soaking in their own tears on their tenth anniversary.

“Was it not fun?” Sho asked in between his tears, “I thought- I thought we’re all in this together. I thought all the laughter that we shared was an indication that we’re more than fine. I thought- After all that we’ve been through-”

Nino slowly approached Sho and circled his arms around Sho, silently saying “It’s okay, I understand” without a word. He himself was so close to wailing by then, with uncontrollable breaths and squeaking sounds came from his throat.

Sho didn’t fight anymore. He looked up to suppress his tears from falling but he couldn’t. His arms were spread wide to Nino and Aiba who joined to hug them tight. They cried and cried silently.  
Jun’s proof of love to them was perfectly played in the background.

_“Mawari wo mireba ima datte Anata ga iru minna ga iru”_  
 _“If I look around, even now, you are here, everyone is here”_

But no, not everyone was there.

“I can’t do this anymore, Sho chan,” Aiba whispered, “No. Not without Riida.”

Nino’s body shook even harder. It sounded like Arashi was coming to an end and he felt another hole formed in his heart.

“Me too,” Sho said. No longer with his mad tone. He sounded weak, like his source of life was snatched away from him.

Nino looked to Aiba, then to Sho. Outside, Jun was no longer singing. He was just crying while clutching his mic close to his heart.  
Then, Nino got it. Even though he didn’t want Arashi to end, Arashi wouldn’t survive without Ohno Satoshi. Because Arashi was five. Never four. Never.

So, Nino just let it be when Sho broke the hug and announced to the staff, “We’re going to end this. We’re doing the last song right after this.”

Nino knew the scar in his heart would never be healed ever again. His life would be empty. Hollow. Lonely.  
And he couldn’t do anything about it.

The three of them walked out to Jun, helping the youngest to finish his song.

_“Sono toki dare ga soba ni iru darou? Kitto go nin de iru darou?”_  
 _“At that time, I wonder who will be by my side? Surely there will be five of us, right?”_

There. Another slice in the heart.

_“Mawari wo mireba ima datte Anata ga-”_  
 _“If I look around, even now, you are-”_

They didn’t have a heart to utter the last few words. They just wrapped crying Jun inside a group hug and rubbed each other back, chanting, “I’m here. I’m here.” for the sake of their sanity.

“I’m sorry, everybody. Thank you for coming and supporting us, but as you can see, we can’t do this anymore,” Sho opened up, “But thank you for these 10 years. Really, thank you.”

The intro of their song was played. Their anniversary song. The song that didn’t have a title since they’re not five anymore and 4x10 was certainly unacceptable.

Nino closed his eyes. Determined to savor the last song that they worked on together. Their last song ever, most probably.

_“Deatte suunen Are wa guuzen na ki mo suru ne Kizukeba juunen”_  
 _“Several years since we met It seemed like a coincidence, didn't it? And when we realized, it'd been 10 years”_

_Yeah, it was like a coincidence but I believe it wasn’t. We’re meant to be together. All five of us. Me and you._

Nino’s mind wandered to those good old days when he first met Ohno. The slight irritation that he got from the older because he was too quiet now just felt so silly. Nino would deal with that silence at any given chance, as long as Ohno was there with him.

_“Aseri Fuan Ikidoori bakka Nanka kanjite ita hibi mo atta na  Demo anata ga ite kureta kara Sono egao attakakatta kara”_  
 _“It felt like there were days when we only felt impatience, anxiety, and resentment”_

Nino wondered.

 _Were it those feelings that made you gave up? Impatience? Anxiety? Resentment? But you said we’ll get it through as long as we’re together, Oh chan. We’re here, Oh chan. Even the fans are here. Now, where are you?_  
 _We are here._ I _am here._

_“Honki de naite, Honki de waratte, Honki de nayande, Honki de ikite, Ima ga aru, Mune wo hareru”_  
 _“Crying for real, laughing for real, worrying for real, truly living, we have the present, standing tall with pride”_

Nino remembered very clearly the struggle that all of them had in their earlier days. Sho had said that they would not survive for long and everyone was throwing a silent agreement. Nino himself thought of leaving too, but he didn’t.  
Because someone had encouraged him to keep on. Because that someone had made him fallen in love. Because that someone had showed him love. Because that someone was Ohno Satoshi.

_You told me to focus on what we have, so I did. I give my best on everything we have, Oh chan, thinking that it would make us well.. us. Now what are you doing? Giving away what we have for something that we don’t know? Why, Oh chan? What have I done wrong to make you leave us like this? What have I done wrong?_

Nino sang with all of his might, ignoring the fact that he was a complete mess. Jun already gave up since the beginning, standing straight with head down, silently crying like a little kid. Aiba was singing next to Jun, circling his arm around the youngest more to calm himself than anything. Sho was next to Nino, spilling his hearts out for everyone to see.

They were shattered. They were broken.

They were incomplete.

_“Bokura kawashita koe ga kienai no naraba, Chikaeru yo kono ai wo-”_  
 _“If our voices that overlapped don't disappear, then we'll swear this love for-”_

It was Nino’s line and he stopped. It would be a crime to promise another 100 years when they knew it was already hard to be standing there for the last one song.

Nino slumped to the floor.

 _We’ve promised a hundred years to the fans. We wrote this together, Oh chan, you’ve promised too. Why do you break your own promise?_  
 _Even if it’s not for the fans.. how about_ me _? Is there still any love for_ me _, Oh chan? Or is it just an empty promise too? A fake one too?_

_“Koko ni tatteru Bokutachi ga ima, Kagayakeru no wa kimi ga iru kara”_  
 _“We are standing here now, able to shine because you are all here”_

They went to a full stop after that. The lyric was changed to _“Yonin de iru, zutto iru”_ but none of them was able to say it. Saying it was like accepting the fact that their leader wasn’t a part of them anymore.

Sho joined Nino to the floor, still crying as he apologized, “We’re sorry. We’re sorry.”

But to everyone’s surprise, Nino stood up and continued.

_“Gonin de iru, zutto iru.”_  
 _“The five of us will be here, forever”_

“It might be only the four of us here,” Nino said, trembling hard, “But Arashi is a five person group. There are five of us. Five. Never four, never six, but five. _Always_ five.”  
Nino gave his best to arrange his breaths as he called his dearest, “Oh chan. Oh chan, we’re here. We’re still here. We’re waiting for you.” His screams became desperate, wild, and overflowing with raw emotions.  
“Come back, Oh chan. Please. Arashi is not Arashi without you so, please, come back. I beg you. Please!”

Sho stood up and hugged Nino, rubbing his sides to calm him down.

“We’re lost without you. _I_ am lost without you. Come back, Oh chan, we need you. _I_ need you. I love you. God, I- I- Come back, Oh chan. Just come back,” Nino felt his emotions took over his body completely. His skin was tingling from sadness. His feet were weak from the desperation.

Nino slid back down to the floor and repeated his plead over and over again, calling for his beloved like there was no tomorrow.

It was all dark and hazy when he heard Ohno called his name.

*******

“Nino,” Ohno called, “Nino, hey!”

Nino stirred. His eyes were wet and he was having a hard time to fill his lung with air.  
“Oh chan, come back.”

“I’m here,” Ohno shook Nino’s body softly, “Hey, Nino, I’m here.”

“Oh chan,” Nino whined. He opened his eyes slowly and when he saw Ohno, he immediately hugged the older, “Oh chan, don’t leave!”  
Tears were trickling down Nino’s chin.

“I’m here, Nino. Hey, I’m here,” Ohno ran his hand on Nino’s back, “What happened, hm?”

“We- we’re having our tenth anniversary concert and you- you’re not there. You left. You- resigned,” it was hard for Nino to talk in between his sobs. But he couldn’t help it, the painful feeling was still there. He could feel it breaking his heart into pieces.

Ohno stopped his soothing movement for a second. Guilty feeling ambushed him. He knew it must be because of the confession that he made earlier.  
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, “I’m sorry. But, hey, I’m here. I’m still here.”

The door was being knocked and Ohno knew it must be Jun. He called the younger the moment Nino started to scream and cry.

“What happened?” Jun asked and barged in as soon as the door was opened followed by Sho and Aiba. His eyes found Nino who was still pretty much sobbing and curled up hugging his knees.

“What happened, Nino?” Aiba dashed to the bed, worried and panicked.

“Oh chan- resigned- 5x10 concert just the four of us and Sho- Sho was mad and- and- you were crying while singing and- Jun sang La Familia- and- and- gonin was changed into yonin because- because-”

The three men’s eyes were directed to Ohno, asking for explanation.

Ohno scooted back to the bed, holding Nino close to his chest, “It was just a dream, Nino. I’m here.”

“But you _were_ planning to resign!” Nino exploded. No one could possibly fathom how destroyed his heart was.

“Thinking. I was just thinking about it, not as serious as planning it, Nino,” Ohno corrected. But he knew it made no difference. He had known from the moment he spilled the beans that Nino didn’t accept it so well. The bothered expression that Nino gave told him everything.

“Why, Oh chan? Is it because of us? Is it because of _me_? You never said anything, I thought we’re all fine, but suddenly you said you _wanted_ to leave. What’s wrong in us, Oh chan?”

Sho and Jun both strolled and settled next to Aiba. They didn’t say anything but their eyes were fixated to Ohno, telling Ohno on whose side they were standing on.

Ohno took his defeat. He was planning to discuss about this anyway.  
“Okay, okay. Listen, I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry, I really am,” he looked to all of his band-mates and nuzzled Nino’s top of the head softly, “I did think about leaving but it’s not because of you guys, okay? It’s because of _me._ We had our hard times and I was disappointed to myself, thinking that maybe I was the one who stopped us from progressing. Maybe I wasn’t cut to be an idol, I thought that too. Maybe you guys would do better without me, maybe I’ll do better doing other things.”

Aiba threw a scandalized look.

“But, you see, I couldn’t bring myself to leave you guys. My egoist side won hands down. I wanted to be with you guys, even if I really was the one that held us back. See? I’m an egoist bastard.”

Nino looked up from where he was nestled on Ohno’s chest.

“I did want to leave, to pursue new things, to be free, but I didn’t because I am a selfish jerk. I wanted to be with you guys more than anything and I didn’t care what it costs to us,” Ohno looked down, “And I have you. I have you, Nino. I was torn between setting you free to see you shine and keeping you by my side. It was a hard call, really. But in the end, I chose to be with you. To be with you guys. Because I honestly thought that I wouldn’t be able to survive without you guys. It might sound so cheesy but it is the truth.”

There was a warm wave felt in the room. They’re not used to a sentimental topic like this, really. They tend to keep it to themselves; they felt what they felt and that’s it, no words needed to be uttered.  
To put it bluntly into words like this was somehow creating a strange tension around them, but nonetheless, it was needed.

Everyone was bothered about the confession and it was nice to hear the exact reason like this.

“It’s a good thing you didn’t leave, Ohno kun, because if you did, I might really make a scene,” Sho said, slowly but surely, “You might not notice but in a way or another, you’re the one who kept me going.”

“Uhn, me too,” Jun agreed. Now that they spoke up, the tension was lessened, “I won’t survive. Probably I would weep first, but then I’ll leave too.”

Aiba nodded, “Because Arashi is five, ne?”

“Yeah, five,” Jun confirmed.

Then silence.

It’s a nice silence, though. They were savoring the fact that they were together. All five of them. Until their fifteenth anniversary and still going strong to see the sixteenth and beyond.

Jun inhaled and exhaled a deep breath and with a smile, he patted Nino’s shoulder, “Well, I think we’re good?”

Nino didn’t say anything. He just curled up to Ohno, trying to cast all the vivid images away from his head.

“We’re good,” Ohno took the liberty to answer with an assuring tone.

Everyone - except Nino who still refused to look up - sighed contently and the tension was completely melted away. They’re back to the comfy feeling around each other, knowing that everything was perfectly fine.

“I’m going then,” Jun said, waving his flashing phone as a wordless sign that he still had a meeting to attend to.

“I- I’m going too,” Aiba stood up and chuckled, “I might end up crying until morning if I stay in this kind of mood.”

“Don’t you dare,” Sho laughed and turned to Ohno, “Take care of _our_ brat. He rarely cries but when he does- look at him, his tears are not stopping yet!”

Ohno nodded and he didn’t budge when he saw his band-mates were leaving. They knew where the door was, Nino’s more important for him right now.

“And Riida,” Jun suddenly added, “It would be much appreciated if no one is even _thinking_ about leaving anymore. I wrote La Familia not for a bunch of quitters.”

The door then closed completely, leaving Ohno with Nino in his embrace.

“Never. Ever. Mention. About. Lea-”

“I won’t,” Ohno cut, “I won’t leave you. Or them.”

Nino wiped his tears to Ohno’s shirt, “Look what you’ve done to me.”

“At least I know you love me _this_ much,” Ohno snorted a fond laugh.

Nino wasn’t letting the topic go yet, “Did you really.. love me back then when you’re thinking about leaving?”

“You’re the one that made me stay. I love you too much I deemed it was okay to be _that_ egoist for once in my life,” Ohno said it sincerely, fully understood that it was what his lover needed; an assurance.

Nino looked deep into Ohno’s eyes. He exhaled a relieved breath, “I love you, Oh chan. So much. So, so, _so_ much. It felt like dying to think that you’re leaving.”

Ohno leaned in to catch Nino’s lips in a soft kiss. Then, he sang Nino’s solo part in that certain song.

_“Chikaeru yo kono ai wo hyakunen saki mo”_  
 _“We'll swear this love for another 100 years”_

Nino chuckled. Then, without any prompt, they jump to the same line together.

_“Gonin de iru, zutto iru”_  
 _“The five of us will be here, forever”_

**Author's Note:**

> Yeap, it's because Riida said he wanted to resign for some times........ *cries silently*  
> The setlist of the concert is not the real one because it was just a dream so everything could happen, right? hahaha :p
> 
> Romanji lyrics and translations are from yarukizero@lj thank you so muuuuch *bows*


End file.
